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Thoughts Inspired by “More to Love”

Posted by Chanelle Schneider on August 7, 2009

“Anyone else noticing that #moretolove came on right after #hellskitchen food then the women who love it!”

“I forgot that “The Biggest Losers Casting Wannabes Meets the Bachelor” aka #MoreToLove is on! Oh snap! I know that was wrong…”

“Maybe some body shots would improve their attitude and self esteem #MoreToLove”

“Swimming There is a whole lotta water about to be displaced! #moretolove”

Those were a few of the nicer tweets that came from some of the viewers of Fox’s “More to Love”. I’m sure they would argue that the women on this show would feel better about themselves and be able to get a man if they would just lose weight. Others, however, would say that these women don’t need to lose weight to get a man; they just need to gain some confidence.

Why should a woman’s weight be the sole reason that she is unappealing to a man? For centuries women have been thought of as purely sexual beings, existing to bring visual and tactile pleasure to a man. That notion has faded away, hopefully. Hopefully, men do want women to serve as their counterparts in other realms and aren’t simply keeping their true thoughts to themselves because they know that a real woman will never be attracted to a man who thinks in this manner. Even so, their facial expressions can give away their true feelings.

Many women have turned to online dating as a tool for meeting men more efficiently, cutting down the time spent on the disingenuous and incompatible. In American society we have become acculturated to believe that dateable equals sexy, and sexy equals skinny, therefore dateable equals skinny. There are many in the Media working against this ethos, especially in the magazines Venus Diva Magazine and Gemini, but we have a long way to go before we see healthy as sexy. While there are men who do not find skinny women to be sexy, they appear to be in the minority. Thus, some overweight women tend to develop the negative inner monologue: I’m never going to find a man who thinks of me as more than a friend or business partner. Attempting to prove themselves wrong, they agree to meet in person the man they have been interacting with online. They ready themselves and wait; then, they meet, and he gives “the face”, wordlessly validating the inner monologue. Now, if she is a strong woman, she will not drown her sorrows in her drug of choice, which is food. Some are not that strong, though.

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” You know this is a lie, right? This saying, meant to teach self-esteem and strength, has become a personal mantra, repeated over and over again in the hope that it will turn into a belief. While the remedy should not be the end of all insensitive comments, people who make the jokes should realize that their insensitivity causes emotional eaters to eat even more. Maybe it isn’t their responsibility to consider the feelings of others. These women should just suck it up, get tougher skin, and get over it, right?

The following are video opinions on women who have more to love.

 “Become more attractive to the opposite sex by losing weight.”

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5 Responses to “Thoughts Inspired by “More to Love””

  1. Kevin L said

    Chanelle,

    Those who are yelling the old adage about “sticks and stones” are generally the same ones using the very words that DO hurt you. The non-physical pains caused by belittling someone due to their color, sex, or weigh are no less painful for some than if you were to hit them over the head with a brick and in some cases worse. You can tell when the physical scars of an attack are healing and have gone away. How many of us still are haunted or tormented by the words of someone from years ago!

    • I’ve found that the saying comes from the mouths of the most well-intentioned people. They are, like you say, the ones who are trying to build you up while breaking you down. They want to be the people who show you just how mean the world can be by being mean themselves. Personally, I don’t understand the logic.

  2. Johanna said

    I can’t take a full hour of that show. They purposely choose fragile and broken women, who very well may not have had someone tell them they’re pretty or ask them out on a date. However, that isn’t the reality for all overweight people. I disagree with being cast in that light. A few years ago I made the conscious choice to change my eating habits and become more active. Since then I’ve lost over 80lbs (put back on 20..blah) but honestly it did make a difference. It’s not about the male attention, because I always got that. But, caring about yourself and your health is the foundation to building a good relationship w/yourself. Fat chicks have a love/hate thing going on. And while “stop eating” seems like the logical fix, you have to eat to live. More to Love doesn’t begin to address any issues. It exploits them for everyone’s entertainment. These women need therapy and a good nutritionist.

  3. Matthew said

    I actually wrote about this before; I personally don’t have an “ideal” body type . . . I’ve been attracted to women of all shapes and sizes. In fact, majority of them were bigger girls. I do believe that at some point, too much is too much as far as weight goes though. I haven’t watched the show, so I can’t really comment on those girls; but I’ve been around enough girls who are bigger and have self esteem issues to know what the appeal of that show would be to them. Everybody wants to find that person that will love them, doubly so for those who feel no love for themselves. I know that because I was one of those people . . . I am overweight (though I’m dieting and exercising now to change that) and I have had some SERIOUS self esteem issues and felt that my appearance was the reason I could never get any attention. I later learned the complete opposite; my lack of confidence is what got me no attention, and my appearance had VERY LITTLE to do with it. So, I think that the women on the show could benefit from some positive attention that takes the focus from their weight, and finds things about them to build up their confidence. And yes, a little encouragement to get a good dietary lifestyle going would help with that too.

  4. Matthew said

    Ok, so I watched that first video of the dude talkin about the myth of Black Men and overweight women . . . I agree with the part about it being a personal preference; but I also feel black men are socialized into liking “thick” women especially. Look at all the video girls, or magazines like “King” (R.I.P.); they all tend to be very curvaceous. So, even if he won’t admit to it, the stereotype exists for a reason, and its perpetuated through media like that. I don’t think he was disrespectful necessarily to overweight women; for every guy that doesn’t prefer overweight women, there is most likely another guy that does. Unfortunately, he does have a point about overweight women being used; I have heard people say that is the reason why they are with someone and its deplorable. And it definitely works against the already low self esteem some of those women already have. I think that people who use others like that should have a special circle of hell designated just for them . . .

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